Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
