just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
sarcasm needs its own font
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize