I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
