I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
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