I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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