It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
