Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
