Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
and eventually we just all took our pants off
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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