Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
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