what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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