why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
