so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
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