Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
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