Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
what is it with giant penises always finding me
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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