You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
i believe in u and ur pee
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