She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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