she looked like the bat from fern gully.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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