The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Randomize
