But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
