Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Randomize
