there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
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