My hand turned me down
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
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