??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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