Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I need a beard to bite.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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