your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize
