i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize
