I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
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