tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
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