Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Randomize
