do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Randomize
