That's intense
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize