He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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