so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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