I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
it's like iHOP with fire
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
