who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
