i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
