The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
