u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Randomize
