I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Randomize