i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
