Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
