Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
