I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
