Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Randomize
