i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
FUCK WHALES
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