I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
