I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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