I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
He shit in the fireplace
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
