omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
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