I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
