Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Randomize
