just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
