I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
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