I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
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