Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Randomize
