i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
