she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
I got her a Nickelback box set.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
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