im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize