now i know why i became what i already was.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Randomize
