I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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