wanna go halves on a baby?
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Randomize
