I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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