I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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