I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
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