i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
