how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Randomize
