Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize
