Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
