So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
