P.S. I can't hear my feet
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
