what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
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