quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
