i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
