Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
