And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Randomize
