Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
