Cold hands, warm shart.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
And the cops told us we were all naked.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
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