I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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