its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
sick fucks of a feather flock together
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Randomize
