Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
