I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Randomize