She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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