i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
