i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
