Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Randomize
