Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
