Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Randomize
