my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize
