Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
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