My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
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