OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
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