my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Randomize
