I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize
