Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
