gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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