We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
