Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
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