did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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