Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
