I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize