we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
