I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Randomize
