32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
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