Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
