i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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