So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize
