omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
no, he came in my armpit
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
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