I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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