names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
